l†‡Blaze‡†l
Kit
You lied to me, saying everything would be okay..
Posts: 49
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Post by l†‡Blaze‡†l on Jul 13, 2007 16:01:28 GMT -5
Okay anyone who wants too really, I'm just going to write a paragraph of my roleplaying. I am accepting constructive critisizem.. So just read it, and give your thoughts and opinions on how I am. Thanks!!
Rain was walking through a swampy area. Her pelt was shining with dewdrops of rain, her feet covered with bloody blisters from walking so much. She looked over her shoulder; garbage. And over her other shoulder; garbage. Figures. Pathetic two-legs can't even clean up after themselves. Her gaze then came upon a shadowy cat. She did'nt even know if it was a cat it went so fast by her. She caught a glimpse of a white pelt. Thats impossible, no pure white pelt could turn to black, even at nightfall!! She walked back to the camp. Her mind could'nt get out of the cat she saw. Hoping she'd see it again tommorow, she went to bed. Closing her eyes slowly as if she'll see it walk by her once more.
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[tansy]
Kit
Dream big, Fly high, Live life to its fullest.
Posts: 19
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Post by [tansy] on Jul 15, 2007 10:48:43 GMT -5
I would start out with a little description of the setting; weather, sun, breeze, flora, fauna, etc. to give the others an idea of the setting.
Some of your sentences aren't complete. It's like you forgot a word or two at the end, but that is easy to fix.
I'd also start each of your sentences a different way. Most of them start with "She". Try using other phrases or descriptions in place of "she" or your character's name. EX;; the gray she cat, the green-eyed warrior, etc.
I hope this helped!
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l†‡Blaze‡†l
Kit
You lied to me, saying everything would be okay..
Posts: 49
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Post by l†‡Blaze‡†l on Jul 23, 2007 21:15:03 GMT -5
It did! Thanks Tansy!
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